Awesome jokes (submitted by fellow bloggers)

Heya,

So I have this "MAC Lippie Giveaway" going on, and for additional entries ladies can share awesome jokes if they feel like. I am sharing some jokes that made me LMAO, so we can all LMAO together :D... YEAH!!

Marissa Lim from "Make-up Galore Malaysia" shared-

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was

really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.


Bambaki83 shared-

A man goes into a bar with a flamingo. He asks for a drink and pays the bartender the exact amount of change and then he leaves. He does this again and again and again for ages. Finaly, the bartender asks, "how do you pull out the exact amount of change from your pocket every time?"
"well,"replys the man,"I had two genie wishes, and I wished to have the exact amount of change."
"then, whats the bird for?"
"Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs!!



Irina from "Crazy for Giveaways" shared-

 A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he is gay, and asked me if we have vaseline. Be strong honey. I love you!"

(did ya get this, huh, did ya? :D)



Fatema from "My Crazy Life and Stuff" shared-

 "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."



Mango from "The simple life from Mango" shared-


A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies



:D hahahaha!! Have a great weak ahead gurls!!